My journey with Anxiety

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another" - William James

Hi to all my slaying gals!

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend? Today's post isn't going to be the glamour side and product reviews. It's gonna be REAL sistas! I don't want to be negative on this beautiful Monday, but completely honest. Not everyone knows this side of me that has been struggling with a mental disorder for years. The goal behind this post is not to seek sympathy or "shame poor you", but to make people aware of mental disorders. Awareness is always created around all the usual issues but no one talks about Mental Disorders.

Don't get me wrong, creating awareness around any issues is amazing. But what about the silent killer that a lot of people are dealing with. This is something I never really spoke about or even realized that I'm suffering from. There are so many people across the world that are suffering from a type of mental disorder, specially children. They are suffering in silence.

I only started to realize how many people are actually dealing with this disorder when I started to be part of the working and grown up world. I was afraid about telling people what was wrong or if I'm having a bad day and I'm super stressed. Let's face it I can't really hide it because it's written all over my face. I was scared that people might judge me before they got to know me a bit better, and o my word, there were people judging me.

People have a perception of individuals that are suffering with Mental disorders. Yes, there are some people who just can't cope with changes and stress in their daily living and that is what's so sad about this. A normal day for a person with anxiety is a challenge or war for. Luckily there are some of us that are able to cope and we just react differently to everyday challenges. People don't understand how dangerous this can be. it's a very, very dark place to be.

After my beautiful daughters birth things took a turn for the worst. My anxiety came back in a BIG way. Research shown that anxiety and depression can be triggered by very stressful events in your life such as death, divorce and loosing your job. Mine was caused by the unexpected pregnancy, yes my little one was not planned. I was very career and goal driven and ready to take on the world. But that all changed in a day (let me not go into details ;) I fell pregnant in my last year of varsity. Luckily it was the last to weeks of final exams so never the less, I did graduate the following year.

So my anxiety got worse and I was feeling very down in the dumps. I thought it was only the 'baby blues' but it never went away. So I decided to go and see a psychologist and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. At first I was so sadden by the thought but after a while it all made sense to me after looking back on all my symptoms as a child.

It's always hard for me to describe to people what it feels like to have anxiety. The way I always describe it is that my body is always in defense mode. It's like running away from something that;s chasing you, that fear is indescribable. It's more the physical effects that's so hard for me to deal with. My brain just never shuts down (well it can't really, but you know what I mean). I'm constantly thinking about what's going to happen next. I feel like I'm letting people down and being a mommy and wifey is even more challenging.

I'm always worried if I did the right thing for my daughter, thinking what I could have done better. I'm sure all mommy's feel the same but it's so bad sometimes. Does my husband think I'm a good wife?? It's just a whole lot of uncontrollable worrying all day everyday. Getting back to the physical part, I have a permanent clinched jaw at a point where the one side of my mouth where my teeth are so worn down and I had a spasm for 6 months straight from my jaw to my lower back. I was in scrutinizing pain. My hands and wrists are constantly aching because of the tension my anxiety causes. I wake up in pain and go to bed with pain. I'm on permanent chronic pain meds now. My chest is always tight and I need to remind myself just to breathe. There are so many side effects that I deal with but let's leave that for another day. We may just be here for days.

I still get panic attacks randomly and that is the worst feeling in the world. I hyperventilate, I have stiffness in my hands, mouth and chest. The feeling of passing out were you see stars :). Severe headaches and stomach pain. The symptoms are under control but they never go away. I had to learn to live with it and I've been seeing my psychiatrist for 2 years now. Which has helped a lot, I do take a lot of medicine but I try to live a normal live.

I have come a long way, but everyday I'm grateful to be alive. We are never alone, for support and guidance go and check out The South African Depression and Anxiety Group for more information. I truly suggest that not only the people that are suffering with these disorders should check out this page but their family, spouses and friends as well. It will give you a more in depth view of what these disorders are really about and how you can help.

I urge you guys to help anyone that suffer from this. You never know helpful it will be before that person won't be there anymore to help. I hope this wasn't to of a somber post. I just want to create awareness around this.

I really hope I can help someone through sharing my experience. We need to care and love one another. It's been real guys and I will definitely be sharing more life moments with you. Leave a comment and share your experience, you never know if we can help eachother.

Hope you guys have a lovely week.

Lots of love coming your way!

Chantelle xoxo

#Life #Anxiety #love #hope #depression #caring